Adhd # 2
Welcome back! Now that you took some time to just observe your child, I bet you noticed strengths, reinforcers, patterns and areas of need.
This is where the evidenced-based parental interventions begin!
If you notice things that are highly motivating to your child (i.e. candy, screen time, special restaurant, movie, etc.), then you can start attaching these positive reinforcers to positive behaviors. For example, if your child is able to follow a direction the first time or accept no, then lay on that positive praise (“Great job following that direction! I love how you listened the first time. Here’s an M&M!”).
The two main tricks here are:
Tell them that specific positive praise WITH the reinforcer. You are also now giving them attention and praise for what you want to see more.
DO NOT…and I mean DO NOT start flipping the script and using this as a threat. What do I mean by this? If your child has heard the direction four times and still is struggling to follow it, you may be tempted to say “If you don’t sit down right now, we won’t go to that movie you want!”. If you start threatening them, they might push back and say “I don’t want to go to that movie anyways!”. They also might follow the direction, and now you are reinforcing them needing FOUR directions and a threat before complying.
Last week you took time to notice how your child reacts to the world around them. Now you get to spend this week, noticing how you react to the world, and more specifically, your child.
Parenting is hard! You may try this new strategy and notice it doesn’t come naturally. Or maybe you feel like you are bribing your kid. Just remember: pairing positive praise with reinforcers is a research-based strategy used to help provide more effective outcomes and increase the likelihood that a prosocial behavior will occur again. We are constantly reinforced by the world around us. What this does, is take proven-to-be effective behavior principles and give you, the parent, back the control!
As you try this a few times this week, take time to reflect on if you were able to do it with fidelity, and if it was helpful.
Some questions you may ask yourself:Were you able to keep a neutral tone? Did you make sure you give a clear direction 1-2 times, rather than 6 times? Did you follow through on giving them the reinforcer? Were you able to provide specific praise for what you liked?
Just like learning any new skill (like playing the guitar or cooking a new recipe), it takes practice, practice and more practice.
Give yourself some grace while you give this a try!
